Intimidade Entre Estranhos.

Se você for se dar o trabalho de ler, aproveite e leia escutando Funny Girl da Barbra ou Jar of Hearts da Christina Perri :)

               If one of you cares enough, you’ll try to read this, to translate, I don’t know… but if I can give you an advice, don’t read it. Especially if you’ve been in my life for a long time now or if you had or have a “close” relationship with me.
               My fingers smell like books now and my eyes are really red because I’m crying non-stop for the last one and a half hour. Why I’m crying? Because I’m Hannah. And no, I’m not being obvious right now, I’m telling you that I’m Hannah, the main character of the Jay Asher’s novel, Thirteen Reasons Why. If you are going to pass this point of this post, I advise you (again) to seek online about the book, you’re gonna need it.
Hannah’s life was a lot harder than mine, for sure. If you believe that type. What doesn’t matter at all for my story right now, so I don’t know why I brought that up, sorry readers. In almost 300 pages, Jay show us how it’s really life.
               Hannah wasn’t a depress girl but in the end, she killed herself. She killed herself because people think they can do anything and get away with that. But mostly?! She killed herself because no one cared. People believed in rumors, used her, lie to her, make her feel like she was nothing. And why do I care? It’s just a book right? No, it’s not. Most of you make me feel like I wasn’t good enough to be loved, like I didn’t deserve anyone to pay attention to me. Because I’m weak or needy or a slut. You’ll heard the rumors. I stole someone’s girlfriend. I’m a bitch who doesn’t care about anyone’s felling. But I’ve been cheating on, I’ve been put aside because I wasn’t pretty enough, I’ve been lied to, you tried to take my best friend of me, you took two of my girlfriends of me. And at some point on those last four years, you’ve crushed my spirit. I became nothing, because you’ll make me believe in that. But sure, keep telling yourselves that your actions weren’t careless. But hey, I don’t even talk to anyone of you anymore, except one of my ex’s so let’s go to the next part.
               Jess, sweetie, you don’t need to read this okay? So skip this part.
               Well, you might be thinking that I’m skeeping her because I’m in love with her. But no. I mean, yeah, I’m in love with her but I’m letting her out for another reason. One little reason, she cares. She’s the only one that is willing to hear my late late night calls with me crying and saying things with no reason. The only one that ask me if I eat something today. The one that ask me if I sleep well. Did anyone of you remember that I can’t sleep without taking meds for it and even with them I have nightmares every single night in the last four years? Or that goes to college is something really really hard for me? I think you don’t. I think you all put in your minds that there’s not wrong with me, that if you don’t talk about I’ll never thought about the s word again. That I’m a geek or a nerd, whatever its choice, so college got to be easy for me. I keep telling myself that you guys got to be forgotten about my illness, that you can’t deal with someone with a depression as strong as mine. But in the end, no matter how hard I try to fool myself, I can’t. Because if you all cared, you’ll try to understand. But let me tell something, none of you can make me feel better. Nothing that you said would make this feelings go away, but I’m going to tell another thing, this time it’s a secret. Everytime that one of you try, It’s make easier to get out of bed in the morning, gives me more strength to fight it, to eat when I don’t want to or make me take a deeper breath and tell myself that I can go through another day. But somehow, you all think that I might be putting out some show, because everyone’s feeling its more important. Or maybe, it’s me. I’m not important. There’s why mine ex would go out with her friends when I was sick and never wanted to go out with me. There’s why my friends worry about everyone except me. There’s why no one, not even my family, realizes that there’s been 3 months that I just go to college and not even there I’m attending correctly.
               Yeah, I’m over-sensitive. But yeah, I can’t helped since I’m fighting a strong depression since I’m 14. And people still call me selfish.


Don't wait until is too late to care. Don't wait until I'm not here anymore.